Warning: Mildly Sarcastic
by CaptainTinaRaven
Summary: Summer with warm welcomes and cold shoulders! A sarcastic little story about a lonely boy named Eric Cartman and an overly serious boy named Clyde. A OneShot to the amazing Famous Living Dead! CartmanxClyde


Warning: Mildly Sarcastic

(Note: This is a One-Shot for Famous Living Dead for guessing my favorite book right. So, I hope you all enjoy this.)

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The brand new store in the little town of South Park! And what better way to say it's Summer again like a big old Baskin Robins built in next door to our neighboring Rhinoplasty, huh!? Huh!? Aren't you excited! Everyone in South Park is! They are all so happy that it is summer once again!

"You guys… I'm seriously. I hate summer so much," The bigger boy said while walking with the foursome towards the new Baskin Robins. Hot, sweaty, and out of breath. Man, Summer was GRAND!

It wasn't just him, but the other boys didn't look so great either. Being cold for as long as it is in the mountain town, it's a real big change when it gets hot.

"Shut up, Cartman! The last thing we need to hear is _you_ right now," The red haired one said. His curly red hair was forced back into a pony tail. But instead of a _pony tail_ it was more like a _POOF!_ Wet, sticky, frizzy. Isn't Summer wonderful!?

"Will you both shut it. We're almost there," The black haired one reassured, not in the mood for the two fighting. He was leading the way. Well, trying to at least. Trying to see between his messy bangs practically plastered onto his sweating forehead.

"Yeah," Last, but not least. The blonde spoke out in agreement. Very soft spoken, not really wanting that much part in the conversation. Especially with a large hood tied around his head. Why he was wearing it in the middle of summer, will be a mystery to all.

The four boys kept their mouths shut for the time being, not until the small ice cream shop came into view. After the red haired Jew pointed out the obvious, they all ran for the nice air-conditioned Baskin Robins. Of course, with Cartman lugging behind them all. Having a Hell of a lot harder time since: number one he hates running, and number two it's probably about…. Oh I don't know… a million degrees outside!! Which was technically incorrect, for all you smarties, but about ninety-five. Which _felt_ like a million degrees compared to normal weather.

The three boys made their way swiftly into the door and practically collapsed inside. Of course, thanking the Lord, Jesus Christ. Who was currently sitting in a booth with Santa, having a sherbet Sundae.

Once the last boy reached the door, someone else did at the same time. Not thinking or even checking who it was, he screamed every curse word that was in his head (Which was only about five because of the heat) and shoved his way into the door. He fell flat on his face, but could have cared less when his warm cheek touched the cool tiled ground below him. "Oh God…" He mumbled, trying to catch his breath and watching the ground fog up under him at the same time.

"Um… Can you move?" Someone from behind the boy called out, a little impatient.

Cartman had been blocking the entrance of the ice cream shop. Not that he cared at all though. He managed to pant out a couple words, "Go fuck yourself, jag off!"

"No wonder so many people hate you," They said as a pair of legs made their way around the boy and inside. They stopped at the extremely large line.

The boy on the floor got himself enough strength to finally sit up and look at the line. Then, as two other people entered inside too. This would take forever, and he didn't like forever. He saw the three boys farther up the line and walked over to them, "Guys, you _have _ to let me cut!" If Eric Cartman had to stand in an actual line for a cone of ice cream, he'd take his own life before he would.

"You _have_ to? Or you _want_ to?" The Jew asked in a harsh tone, showing he most likely wasn't going to move for him.

The bigger boy just stared at Kyle, "I wasn't asking you, Jew!" He looked over at Stan, who didn't look like he was giving up his spot either. Probably for other reasons than Kyle. He liked to follow the rules. He looked over at Kenny, "C'mon, Kenny! Please?"

The blonde kid just stared his way, then back up at the menu. Completely ignoring him.

His mouth went wide, as if this hasn't happened to him before. It only made him mad, "Fine! I see what kind of friends _you_ are!" His finger poked at the black haired kid, "Fuck you, Stan!" To the Blonde, "Fuck you, Kenneh!" Then, to Kyle, "And fuck you, Jew!" With all of that said, he made his way to the back, which was now, ten times longer than before. His cheeks turned pink and he screamed out, "God, Damn it!!" He marched towards the back anyways, knowing he probably wouldn't be getting any closer if he just stood there.

Once he passed the line up, he felt a small poke to his shoulder, "Get in line, before you make a bigger asshole of yourself." One person said, as an empty spot stood open for him.

He watched the empty space, that practically had his name written all over it and got in. Score one for Cartman's awesome amazing-ness. Maybe crying and whining _does_ pay off! He turned to see who was so randomly generous to him, when he saw a brown haired boy. "Well, Hello there, Clyde!" He took the other's hand with his and gave it a shake, "What is my best friend doing here?"

"I'm not your friend. I hate you," Clyde pointed out as plain as it could be. He randomly looked over at the counter, then back at the guy who he had just let cut him in line, "Everyone hates you." This time, he said it even more simple.

The only expression that could hit his face right now is the 'Okay. I'm totally confused' expression, "But you just let me cut you in line." He said, now him pointing out the obvious.

"So?" A shrug went across the medium framed boy's shoulders. His face was neutral as he looked around the larger boy in front of him. His finger poked the empty air around Cartman and to the now empty space, "You want to move up?" He asked after.

Cartman looked down at the boy, then at the spot. Then, back again. He filled the area now and watched as the rest of the people take a step forward. His concentration went back on the boy, still confused, "But why did you let me cut you?"

Clyde shrugged once again, "You were making an ass of yourself." He folded his arms over one another now and looked around the store, "What? Are you stupid too?"

"…But," He watched ahead as his _friends_ were now ordering what they wanted. "…But," He finger was aimed at the three boys as he continued, "…But they wouldn't even let me cut. Why the Hell would _you_ let me?"

Clyde shrugged for the third time today, "Don't know?" His eyes hit the guy in front of him (Who was currently proving that he was not only a heartless moron, but a retard too) and spoke back, "Look, if you don't want it, you can always go to the back." His thumb swung back towards the line that was now forming outside, in the hot summer weather.

Cartman held his hands up in defense and smiled slightly, "Nah, it's good." Noting the distance between him and the cashier was slowly decreasing he was kind of thankful. It was still far, but nowhere near compared to the people huddled outside, wanting to get in. "So, Clyde," He started, wanting to start up a conversation since it might make the line go by a little faster. The thing was, he didn't really know what to say. It was true they weren't _best friends_. They weren't even close acquaintances. They were just… there. "How's…" He started, looking around to find something, but failed miserably, "…stuff?"

Clyde just cocked his brow, staring as if he were a complete moron (Which he wasn't far from at this point). "I don't want to talk to you. Just stand in line, get your ice cream, and sit with your little wanna be friends," He said a bit harsh, but he was running on a short fuse.

The bigger kid just stood there, blinking his eyes a few times before moving up in line. He didn't really know what he had done wrong. Then again, he never knows. It's usually his mouth takes over and before he knows it, someone's pissed at him. Maybe he didn't have as many friends as he thought. Now that he thought about it, none really. There was Kenny, but he usually just stays with the majority of the four boys (Lately, it has been with Stan and Kyle. What happened to good ol' Kenny who'd do anything for a buck). Then, Butters, who was now starting to figure out he's just been using him.

He had finally made it to the register, when he decided he really didn't want anything. He just found out being lonely was kind of… lonely. He just gave the man who was standing at the front counter a sigh, and turned his back to it. Once he had made it out of the line, he saw his three friends were no longer sitting in the booth they had been before. They just left without him. He would have shouted 'God damn it' if he didn't feel so low right now. He walked over to the empty booth his three friends had been sitting at and took a seat.

He had considered everything and everyone around him to be lame, but maybe he was the lame one. He was the lame with no friends. The lame who was left behind this time.

A plastic spoon slid by him on the multicolored table of the booth. Not long after that, a big sundae that would make a bitch with diabetes die from just looking at it. Even a person with a huge sugar fetish would fall over with awesome-ness. Chocolate ice cream, chocolate syrup, chocolate chips, with gummy bears, and gummy worms, rainbow sprinkles, chocolate sprinkles, and even chocolate chunks imbedded inside the chocolate ice cream. Plus, no one can forget the whipped cream and cherry on top.

"Can you help me? I don't think I can finish it," Clyde asked, more to the wall than anything, as he sat down across from Cartman inside the booth. He still didn't really show any sign of emotion. He just played it off like this was something people did everyday.

Cartman picked up the spoon he was given and looked at it as if he'd never held one in his hand before. He looked up at the pile of chocolate ice cream, "What'd you do to it?" He asked, predicting there was poison somewhere.

"Nothing yet," His eyes were on the ice cream as he let his spoon dig into the soft frozen chocolate and lifted it to his mouth (Showing him nothing was wrong with it since he took the first bite).

Random kindness. He wasn't really use to that idea. Especially from a person who really claims to hate him. And that's an understatement. He's had a few incidences where he ignored the small comment. Maybe it was dumb luck, but whatever it was, he wasn't about to pass it up for free ice cream.

He let his spoon carve small holes into the frozen dessert and loose himself in the sweet, sweet taste of chocolate. He had been pulled out of his dreamland when something even sweeter had passed his ear. His spoon stopped and looked up at the boy across from him.

Clyde had been laughing now. His low, nasally laughter vibrated from his throat and the edges of his lips curled up uncontrollably. He tried to put his hands over his mouth to stop the noises coming from him, but it didn't exactly help.

Cartman dropped his spoon and glared at him with offense, "Aye! Are you laughing at me, butt licker!?" He couldn't think of any other reason the other boy would be busting up hysterically. Only because this was the first time he saw him with anything, but a serious face.

"No, no," He stuttered his no's through his giggles. He was more determined to stop laughing, but it seemed like the more he tried it just increase.

Both fists punched at the colorful table and he leaned forward, demanding to know what was so damn funny, "Then, what the Hell is it!?" He didn't understand it at all. He never understood this boy. Most of the time he was just background stuff, but now that he was becoming more alive. Like a real person. Is that what you call a friend? When the people you see stop looking like a background and start looking like people?

Clyde had finally found his senses and calmed himself down a little. His hand reached for a napkin and he patted the other's face that had been covered in chocolate. "It's nothing," He said with a smile, encouraging him that nothing was truly wrong.

"Oh," Cartman said, staying in place as his mouth was being cleaned off. He smiled a little now, thinking that maybe he wasn't hated that much after all. By everyone else around him, maybe. But maybe all they were, were background too. He let his hand rise up from the table and rest on the other's forearm as he stared at him now.

Clyde had noticed the touch and dropped the napkin (He was done cleaning him off anyways). His eyes watched his and reached his hand to the other's cheek, now getting a little closer than he should.

The hand on the other's arm, slowly slid up to his wrist and held it loosely. Cartman nuzzled his face close to the boy's outstretched hand and let out a short noise into it. His eyes fluttered half-closed as he leaned closer and away from the hand.

Clyde's lips parted slightly from the warm, sweet chocolate breaths being easily blown at him. He turned his head to the side and let his eyes fall shut. He swooped in forward, catching the other's lips with his and tasting the soft, sugar coated lips.

Cartman broke the kiss with a smile and looked into his eyes again. "You don't hate me, do you?" He asking in a jokingly voice. He thought he knew what the answer was.

Clyde only smiled back and crawled out from the booth, "No, I still hate you."

The bigger boy just sat there with eyes widened, "Wait, what!?" He asked, confused again, as he stumbled out of the booth. He caught up to him by the door and held the door so it wouldn't be opened, "What is that suppose to mean!?"

Even with the other guarding the door, he still tried to get out, "It means nothing, fat boy." He wanted out of the door and he wanted it now. He pushed at it, but he wasn't as strong.

With no struggled at all, he held the door with one hand. One side of his lips curved up to a smirk as his finger poked the boy's side, "Well, you're not exactly skinny yourself."

That comment made he stop his shoves at the door. He grabbed Cartman's collar and pulled him down to his height. "I'm not fat, God damn it!!" He shouted at his face, leaving his cheeks with a light shade of red.

That only made Cartman smile wider. "Oh, yeah. I think we're going to get along just fine," He said teasingly and not resisting a final poke at the other's small, but still chubby side.

Well, summer isn't as bad as you think, huh?! It could be kind of interesting… and fun! And who knows what lies ahead for new summer love? Let's just say Cartman won't be as lonely as he thought.

GO SUMMER!!!

Warning: Half the stuff in this fanfic have been mildly sarcastic and I am not responsible for seizures at any time. Now, please, exit to the door on your right and thanks again for riding the Yaoi. I hope you enjoy the rest of the rides at Six Flags.

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(Note: Yes, this _thing_ that I wrote is for the Famous Living Dead. Please, clap your hands wildly until someone walks by your computer and stares at your for a very long time. I hope you all enjoyed this, because when I opened my Word Processor I just sat there and watched the little blinking line for a very long time. I was wondering how I was suppose to start this… and write it too. Lol. Let's just say I had a small writers block. I hope you enjoy it anyways though.)


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